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HOLLA! [19 Apr 2006|08:46am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Heyyyy everyone!
I know ive fallen off the face of the planet.
but im back!

So I am going to NIU next fall....and i could not be more excited! There is only a little over a month until I graduate high school. Man times have really flown by...but im happy to be geting the fuck out. Senior year now is a piece of cake, i go to school for 4 hours, where i sitt and do busy work. I wish I was graduating high school right now instead. I am just ready to get on with the rest of my life. I need to send my housing application to northern and my downpayment. I think I am going to dorm alone, which will be an expierence in itself. I am probably going to stay on a teaching floor, which means that all the other students will be majoring in education. I am really excited because I can meet new people! man im so fucking excited yet scared at the same time.....only a little longer...only a little longer!!

sean and I have talked again and I guess he wants to
rekindle" our relationship. that suprises me. it suprises me more that i dont even want to take him back, which is werid. Don't get me wrong, i love hanging out and being with him. But for some reason, im sick of running back to my ex boyfriends. and with college and everything, i just want to get on with my life and move away and meet people. I looked back on my posts on here and its amazing how in love I was with him. I would do anything to have him back at one point. and now i have my chance and I dont want to take it, very stange. We are howeever going to prom together (both centrals and mchenrys_) which will be alot of fun. I dont think I could see myself going to my senior year prom with anyone else. lol we are going to be exhauseted though since its back ro back days, and both nights we are getting wasted and getting a hotel room. lol on saturday night (my prom) im going to go back to the hotel room and im gunna fucking pass out. lol whatever it will be alot of fun!

things this year have been fucked up. I got involved in some NOTSOGREAT activites, but I managed to get myself out of the whole i digged myself. for the most part, i am normal again. I just need to stay on this path. I looked at myself and I do not want to be a lowlife the rest of my life and i cant be behaving like that when i go to an university.

well im out....jackie a is sitting next to me and were watching some fucked up movies...lol love uuu

wishful thinking

dsdww [30 Mar 2006|01:32am]
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wishful thinking

any guys dream come true..... [18 Feb 2006|12:50pm]
so last night....carissa and I made this amazing dinner for Brandon and Steve. lol yeah i can brag because it was so awesome. The food was really really good. wait until i tell Reza that i can cook! lol well the night went okay....atleast I got the truth and honestly what i was looking for. so here it goes...hes some pictures. by the way, this was one of the nicest things ive ever done for anyone. lol all the guys are jealoues because i never did anything like this for them. oh well.

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Me dressed

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carissa and I all done setting up. we are just so sweet...yeah guys we are the perfect girls...WELL...almost :/

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The walkway to the kitchen...rose petals, hearts and candels.

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More rose petals, hearts and candels...HINT TO GUYS...THIS IS ALL THE THINGS A GIRL WANTS!

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The kitchen table all set. lol it was really cute

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Steve and Brandon being boys. haha

Yeah so in the end it all worked out. the food was good...and the guys really liked it. So for other things...it was alright. I only cried once..haha. but eh i got truth..and thats something no one can give me because they are worried about hurting me when it just hurts me more when i dont know. eh ill be alright :D
wishful thinking

[04 Oct 2005|10:25pm]
Homecomming was a fucking blast, i went stag (long story) with a bunch of girls ive grown up with over the years. I used to be a bitch to a lot of them which i feel bad for now because they are really awesome people. You cant change the past, and thats something ive had to deal with in the last few months, shits gunna happen and u just gotta learn how to take it. heres some sexy pictures of the girls and the aftermath, enjoy :D

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me at homecomming (PRS) i love this picture :D lol i look cute

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me in front of tyler's yard in the morning after the t-peeing lol bitches! ew i look fat

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amanda and mal in front of nates yard, lol thats just so hot!

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the masterpiece of tylers yard, FOR FUCKING SALE!

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the girls gone stag! Me, Colleen, Amy, Lindsey, Eden, Mal, Amanda and Kelsey

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all hyper after we messe dup tyler and nates! Amanda, Amy, Kelsey, Mal, Eden, colleen and me!

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like woah! Lindsey, Colleen, Amanda and Amy!

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Tyler's house after the destruction, damn i wish i was nicer to him, look at that fucking huge house!

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Mal and I looking like the beautiful girls we are lol.

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all the girls again!

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Me and mal

1 thought| wishful thinking

[29 Sep 2005|12:21pm]
So now I am going to Prarie ridges homecomming, and i need help on which dress i should choose, please comment with the letter of the dress the corraponsds. lol.

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I wore this dress last year at homecomming--DRESS A

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i wore this dress 2 years ago at homecomming-DRESS B

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i BOUGHT THIS dress to wear this year but i dont know if i am going to after all- DRESS C

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3 thoughts| wishful thinking

new summer pics! [09 Aug 2005|12:32am]
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Ben who was tripping ha.

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me riding the horsie....YEE HAW!

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Me, Jackie and Melissa....tipsey!

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Me and my ex boyfriend Mike.....aww i miss him!

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chase...oh baby!

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Jackie and Me <3 she's so silly

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really fucked up picture of Jackie and Me

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Jackie and Me <3 i love this picture!

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jeff smoking a cig

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Mal and me at on the border <3 awesome picture

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melissa being the pimp she is.

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Melissa, Ben, Jeff, Jackie and Me <33333

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Ben and Melissa <3 oh la la

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chase and me <3 i love this kid!

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jackie drunk horsie riding!
2 thoughts| wishful thinking

wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww [18 Jun 2005|01:47am]
Havnt updated in forevr...

SUMMER IS HERE! That means lots of work, partying, beach, and more partying...

I partied a little too hard last week.

Went to Rich's friends farm. Its amazing, 900 acres of land, all to one family. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT? the kid had horses, his own pond, HIS OWN LITTLE HOUSE and his family had 2 houses on the property. Its so cool. So I went there with Ryan, Brittney, Jackie and Rich. Other people were there but i dont remember. Anyways, the minute i got there i busted out the razz and was gone. Went swimming in a pond, and got little Jackie in there with me. Was really fun. Then i fell aganist the tree, dont remember anything and woke up peeing on a toilet and puking in a sink. WONDERFUL! lol apperently Ryan had to carry me a mile and a half and i was telling him i could walk and everytime he put me down i fell and i was puking. Finally they got me back to the house, slept in Joe (riches brothers) bed, then i got carried upstairs where i puked on everyone, laied on the stairs and puked, and finally passed out on the bathroom floor. DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING! lol woke up with the worlds worse hangover and puked 2 more times and went to work and smelled mexican food forever. It was attractive

I got a job at on the border. I love it! lol i make i think atleast 7 bucks an hour, more depending on how great you are at your job. Everyone is awesome there, I work with Trisha and Ryne, who i love. Lol i wokr with Chase's mom and he got a job there too, so its loads of fun! lol. Its hard to read the managers though, i dont know who likes me and who doesnt and it upsets me. I just hope i dont get fired. I love this job!!

I saw Sean. Actually alot latly. I went over to his house and smelled everything. I jumped on his bed and smellt it. I smelled him. I smelled his clothes. I just love his seant. I cant explain it, thats something i miss about him. We layed and talked like old times. Then we got talking about the past, got in a fight and i left pissed off. I just believe that im not the girl for him anymore, but i still love him like no other. He told me he cant love me if he bearly cares. I left and i told myself i would never talk to him again. He calls the next day and we talked. i was still kind of upset. I just got off the phone with him and we talked about things. I was saying how we cant seem to just hold eachother like old times without wanting eachother and we need to learn more about the new us's and shit like that. Lol he said I actually talked now and my body is really toned. How I wish. Anyways....

I just realized that the last year and half with him has really worked out for the best. I mean, atleast we still talk. Sure, i went through ALOT ALOT ALOT of bad times, and anyone will tell you talk. But i grew up so much these past months that alot of people cant believe it. I leanred that the past is the past, the present is now and we have the whole future to plan our lives. Im 16 (ALMOST 17) and Im young and have plenty of time to plan my life. Im just blessed to have Him in my life....even if hes not my boyfriend...

Rynes amazing. Hes my best friend. I couldnt be more blessed to have him in my life either. Hes amazing. Might me not a teen anymore and not a adult right now, but i still love him. 364 days and counting! hehehe <333
3 thoughts| wishful thinking

this is to a certain someone, you know who you are and everyone else does too.... [25 May 2005|10:25pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Its been a year and a half since we failed? Isnt that werid? I still remember the day you broke my heart, and i remember thinking i would NEVER get over it, which in a way i havnt and never will. My life is significantly better now as it was a 6 months ago. I don't blame you for not taking me back, after all you cant take someone back who was one of the most fucked up people you know. Im back on track though, after going through the hardest parts of my life, ive realized who's a friend and whose not. Ive realize that life's too short to cry all the time and be depressed, you gotta take the bad and smile about it even if your really sad. I never stopped loving you, in fact these last few mouths i have found greater appercation for you. You taught me such valuable life leasons that ive have used many times these past months. I have found love, a wonderful boyfriend who cares about me so much. I don't think i would be so happy today if i didnt have you in my life a year and a half ago. I have fallen in love, I got my heart broken, Got lost and found myself again. You taught me that i have to keep my head back throught all the bad ive gone through. I know theres been times when both of us have wanted to kill eachother for making our lives hell, but i honestly couldnt of done it without you. I might of gotten really fucked up since we failed, but i found myself and its because i knew we were going to be okay. Im alright with us not being boyfriend/girlfriend, or even close friends. I love being the type of friends that waves and says hi or calls to check on eachother. The other day i was driving my car and i was listening to empty apartment and it hit me. I realized a part of my heart will always be missing, no matter how much i try. But i know its okay. Thank you for changing my life. I will never forget you, and i wish you the best in life. I love you, and i always will until the day i die.

2 thoughts| wishful thinking

hahaha [24 May 2005|08:56am]
wow, people are really funny. lol ive never realized how someone will say something, and then the next minute they are doing something different. eh oh well.

I love you Ryne. I know we have been through hell and back, but trust me this time were going to make things works. I love you more then youll ever know. Your the only person whos really believe in me throughtout the year and your the only reason ive kept going. Your amazing and i love you so much for everything this last year. I cant wait until one day i wake up and your laying next to me, hehe :D

I love you babycakes.

3 days of school and counting....cant summer just get here already?! lol i cant wait, im so excited for no reason at all, except im going to live at my uncles at his pool.
wishful thinking

TGIF [20 May 2005|08:51am]
wow, i never thought it would get here....the weekend. even though its going to suck since i work tonight until 8:30 and then my boyfriend is working late so im probably not going to do anything. and then i have a meeting tomorrow at work at noon and then i have work from 5-10. and my boyfriend has work later again. Sunday is going to be sleep day. lol. Maybe ill call Jamie or Chase or Matt and go hang out with them, lol i dont really feel like laying around all weekend. EH.

I went out to dinner with my baby yesterday to Bimbos. Its awesme, relaly fucking expensive but they are so nice there and the food is really good. He told me some things i never knew that my "friends" and co-workers said about me and it hurt my feeling alot. I dont udnerstand why the hell i let people like that get to me, but i do. Iunno it just bugged me that they said so much shit about me that isnt true. And if it was true, they didnt know how i got that way or what i went though. I am the way i am in a way because of what people say. I think most of soicety is fucked up because we rely on what people say about us too much. Whatever, im over it. I know im better off with just having a few friends and a amazing boyfriend then 34156 friends who i guess werent friends in the first place.

5 days+ finals of school left. and yes im counting down the days until i can get away from this hell hole. Im starting college early next year and taking a few corses at mcc over the summer and next fall. Im going to be bored so i need something to entrian myself with, so why not?! my mom wants me to go to MCC when i graduate, but fuck that im going to NIU, and if not there somewhere to get the fuck away from here.
2 thoughts| wishful thinking

[16 May 2005|10:31am]
well since ashley put no annoymous comments on my site, we took care of the rude comments, yay for that.

Why cant anyone get along anymore? arg i hate drama
4 thoughts| wishful thinking

unexpected [13 May 2005|04:11pm]
My mother is a fucking coward. She cannot take anything. I went upstairs, to find her sleeping (what else is new) i have sleeping problems and thats all she does. I was looking for my work thing, and i find a bag packed with a note in it. I couldnt read the note really, since she was right there but it said something about going somewhere for a few days and its not our faults. My mother is running away. Why? Because my family is so fucked up. Ive become a depressed manic that freaks out about everything that drinks starbucks like its water and stays up all the time freaking out. My sister is a physco manic who needs perfection to calm her, the other one is the only normal one. My father and mY mother fight constanly, that these days it feels like there each living in their own seperate houses then just one house. Life gets tough sometimes, no one says it was easy or perfect. But running away and not dealing with shit is no way to deal with shit. Arg im already fucking depressed and now i have to run off to work where everyone says i dont smile enough. Then i have to hang out with my boyfriend later who takes my problems out on ourselves. Plus its our one year. This has just been such a LOVELY day. I fucking hate this crap. I need to take about 5 sleeping pills and just pass out after work and completly sleep through this weekend. Actually, i need to sleep through my life. I wish i could go to college this fall. Just move away and start school and be independt. Fuck, i already pretty much am. My parents dont seem to notice me when i walk in 3 hours later then i said i would be, or care very much what i do with my life. I refuse to give up though. It may seem like i am to the few people who knows what ive been going through mentally, but im not. Im trying to survive my fucked up self and my fucked up famaily.

Blah this entry, im really really depressed. Bye.
3 thoughts| wishful thinking

wow... [12 May 2005|08:47am]
Tomorrow Is Ryne and I's 1 year. I cant believe we started this whole thing a year ago tomorrow. Its kind of scary, to actually realize im still together with him throught the year. Yes, im not saying it was easy. It was actually really hard. there were lots of teras, lots of letting myself go to fall i nlove with him and lots of restractions and learning how to love someone. I just cant believe I made it. I dont care what anyone says, yeah we did break up for 2 weeks, but still im saying tomorrow is our 1 year. Go ahead critize me all you want but this really shows something.....im in a daze.

He bought me a dvd player for my room. lol im so excited that i get to watch dvds in my bed now. lol yay! He went to his career concouler the other day and he either wants to become a teacher or get into hospitality. If he becomes a teACHER he will go to NIU. If he does the other thing hes looking at ECC of a school out in Las Vegas. I really hope our relationship doesnt affect his choice. I know we have a while, (until the end of this year) until he needs to really decided but i feel like im hoding him back. He thinks it would be so cool to live together and go to college together but still, its like im forcing him to make a decision to stay together. ECC isnt that far and we would see eachother. arg, well I HATE GROWING UP! LOL.

Im so tired, im been so busy with everything that i forget how to sleep. Tongiht i have a huge project to do for Theil's class that i doubt im going to have time to work-out at MCC (yeah i got signed up with my baby) or go to sleep by 7. I have to work on Friday until 10 (yeah sucks for Ryne and I's 1 year) but im going to go home and pass out....hopefully. 12 days of actual school left. well 11.5 if you count the half day and 3 days of finals. yay cant wait.
wishful thinking

and thats how it goes....i suppose [03 May 2005|10:19pm]
note to the people who read this:

Look at the top of this screen under my icon and tell me what it says. I believe it says "bre's journal" in which means, my space to ramble on dumb crap all i want without getting critized right? WRONG. People are different, you learn this in kindergarden when you see childen of different ethinical backgrounds, colors, laungages, hair color, eye color, the way people dress, the way people acted. We learn from the first couple days of kindergarden and on to not judge people. I can remember in elementry school one of the "rules" was to "treat others the way you want to be treated" ive never thought about that really, what it excatly means. You see a girl at school who only hangs out with boys and shes a "whore, when you; the person judging this girl knows nothing about her. 2 years later your the girl; the girl everyone says is a bitch and a whore. I dont know how you can be a whore when your just talking to people in the hallways.

Fact: yes, i used to be crazy and i think i could call myself a whore.But, like all of us do from time to time, ive changed and learned right from wrong.

I am a different person from you reading this. We do probably have alot of simlarties but we are different in some way. I mean, dont you remember those barney/ kiddie shows about how "no one on this planet looks or is you". I have different dreams, goals, wishes, hopes then anyone else in this world. probably way different from you. I grew up in a family probably differently. i probably live my life and think about things alot differently then you.

This is what makes it MY JOURNAL: MY THOUGHTS, MY IDEAS, MY LIFE. If this was your life, then i would ask for your suggestions and thoughts and i woudlnt judge you. I think of this site as a white carpet in a way, you stepped on mine with your muddy shoes, and im not gonna do the same back. Think about it, would you want me bashing your site, saying your a "bitch and a whore" behind your back or as i walk past you in the hall?

Step down from that "fuck off im a big bad assed teenage" outlook on life and think about it.
34 thoughts| wishful thinking

arg [03 May 2005|04:28pm]
So i got called fat today, in which i am. I weigh 112.5 pounds according to the scale yesterday and i wanted to be 105 by saturday which isnt going to work. Ive been eating close to no fat, and working out like a crazed freak. And yet, im not loosing anything. I find it really funny when i get called fat, but people who are about twice my size. Then what a hour and a half later, i get told I have a eating disorder and if i dont eat more im going to die at a young age. Fuck it, why not die happy? Atleast ill be thin and i wont have fuckers call me fat. and you know that would make all the people who called me fat feel bad because all i want is attetion, attetion and attetion

So, i would just like to say, THANK YOU PEOPLE FOR MAKING MY LIFE SO GREAT! :d

oh well, i dont have a eating disorder and im not pregnant, just thought everyone concerned would like to know that or stupid that is to even think THAT.
13 thoughts| wishful thinking

awesome pictures! [24 Apr 2005|09:07am]
so i finally got my pictures back from lake ganeva and the shed aquarirum trips. warning: some of these pics may make me look like a hoochie since you see me with 2 different guys, but i still think im cute so, im putting them on here because they were part of my life. So thats means, if you dont like the pictures, then keep your fucking mouth shut. Thnaks <3

photoCollapse )
13 thoughts| wishful thinking

nahahaha [21 Apr 2005|10:25am]
Last night I has werid dreams. I was with rynes sister Kelsey and we went Bungee jumping (I didnt go with her but i was watching) and she fell off and had to get out on a strecher. then there was a alligator in the water. lol it was messe dup.

Then i had a dream that I was dating one of my friends (guy) but I was still dating Ryne. It was the werdiest thing. lol i dont like this guy at all in real life but i was head over heels for him here. hmm.

Prom is in 15 days. I need to get in shape. I need to run, tan, and watch what i eat so i look okay in my dress. Im freaking out which is causing me to eat which im gaining weight and im freaking out. shit i gotta get myself straight here.

I love Ryne so much. hes a little freaked out about our future since im applying at NIU in Deekalb, Auganstina (whereever that is) and ISU (bloomington i think) and then MCC. Northerns my first choice and if i dont get in i guess one of the others will have to do. hes scared that im going to forget him when i move away and im going to start over. I told him im going to stop taLKING TO alot of people that cause drama and bullshit and thats what i mean from starting over. I told him not to worry bout us because time will tell. Is that right? iunno, i still have a year and like 6 weeks left until that happens so i have awhile. yay

Anyone buying a season pass to six flags this year? If you are, anyone want to buy them with me and ryne? we need 2 more people so then they would be 80 dollars apecie. let me know
1 thought| wishful thinking

crazy crap [19 Apr 2005|10:33am]
wpw...why is there so much hate on my jounral? yeah i guess i am a dumb bitch to alot of people but still, i hate veryone fighting on my journal. get a life and fight on your own journal damnit..

Bretard got asked to prom! lol by rice krispie treats, sweetarts, a dozen roses, a cute letter and Ryne getting on his knees and holding my hand asking me to prom. now tell me, isnt that the cutest thing ever. I cant wait, im wearing my parange dress so i need to tan somehow....hmm myabe i can pull 50 dollars out of my ass. arg i need a new job!

Had a interview at On the border, Ryne got a job there so the girl seemed to like me so we should see. i really need the money and hours.

okay so me brit and ashley need 2 more couples for prom, so if anyone is going and needs somewhere to sitt, let me know. Plus maybe ill even invite you to the amazing after party, lol whenever that happens to be at. lol.

ill type the latter in what ryne said to me tomorrow, its really cute <3
1 thought| wishful thinking

arg people suck. [13 Apr 2005|03:37pm]
So its been awhile now (not really) but i have too much stress building up and im just gonna write for the next 12 minutes on my views of shitty people in this world. if you dont want to read it then simply click the exit box in the right hand conor. If you dont agree with me, leave your comments but dont get pissed at what i think......

So yeah, I think its really shitty when people use someones death as a excuse. A kid just died recently where i live, and now after his death alot of people are like "oh i feel so bad" and "Oh he was so nice, I was his BEST friend". Then his funeral at school I witnessed a few people and one girl in my english class say "Yeah tomorrow im going to his funeral, i never met him but i still want to go and see my friends and get out of school. And then after im going to my boyfriends house and were going to go shopping" HOW SHITTY IS THAT? I mean i understand if you go to someones funeral that you went to school with them or talked to them a couple times or were friends with them, but to go to someones funeral youve never met? and plus, just to use it as a excuse to get out of school? THATS BULLSHIT. Fuck when I die, I only want the people that actually liked me and cared about me to come to my funeral. And i dont want people running around saying. Oh i wish they were still alive because they were nice or I feel bad for them. AND NO CRYING. lol I want to go out with a bang, if anything have a blow out party in my name with my money and have a wonderful time and live up your lives. Dont live yours down just because im gone. Iunno its been annoying the shit out of me and bugging me. Oh well though, the ignorant only keeping getting ignorant.

I hate how boys use girls. I mean ive been a victim of this pretty much my whole sophmore year because I didnt give a damn about it. But im over that stage now (thank god) and i didnt let a certain someone take advantage of me this time. It still makes you mad though, I mean you put time and effort into someone and just like that they use you and decide your not worth it anymore. Whatever, in 5 years when half these people i know are living in shacks or streets or white trash 18 year old mommy with 3 kids with no dad im gonna laugh because I learned the hard way earlier.

I also witnessed how mean people are to eachother. A comment was made towards someone I know and it really set me off. I mean, do they actually understand what its like to be in that person's shoes? Like do they know what they deal with day in and day out to make these terriable comments. I swear, the person this happen to is probably going to go home and cry and try harder next time and gain anger. And after they ahve all that anger built up there gonna have either a breakdown or beat the crap out of someone and hey its not there faults because its the taunters. I swear, I wish I could just kick out all the mean people in this world out. Ive became a nicer person, its strange lol. Whatever i guess you cant let stupid high school freaks get to you. I realize that the day you walk to the stage and get you dipolima at graduation then you never have to see any of those people again if you dont want to. Thats going to be joy for everyone. As for the mean time, you gotta turn around smile and laugh because those people are the ones who just made the fools out of themseleves.

I work tonight, yay for that. I need money badly for prom and i just bought cubs tickets for may 10th! hell yeash thats gonna be the shit! <3
18 thoughts| wishful thinking

murssssssssss [11 Apr 2005|10:35am]


jackie and Melissa sleeping over...lol calling everyone in my phone book to come and get us so we could go and party. lol getting in a fight with boomers little bitching fling girl...eh hes a dick

Seeing my Jamie and beating her ass in darts...again and talking and driving really SLOW!

Talking to Jimmy and realiing that a certain someone is really a fucking prick

Getting back together with my love (Ryne) because i realized no one loves me more then he does

My cousin is getting married on July 22nd. Lets pray im not invited since shes a bitch anyways

thats all for now fucktars
3 thoughts| wishful thinking

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